You are

the only one.

Angry/Upset yet hopeful (RANT #1)

I want to get away, to run away. Helplessly but not hopelessly to a place where politics aren't mentioned because they do not matter. Only helping others matters. I want to love the hurt and desperate and even the concieted and selfish. I want to see a place where people don't hurt animals, just coexist with them, love them, and treat them like companions. I want to be in a place where I am not treated like I am naieve. I'm tired of being dependent. Yes, I make mistakes but I am not stupid. I notice when I do wrong and correct it to the best of my ability. I don't need to be nagged or to see you roll your eyes at me. I want to call home a place where it is okay to cry. I need to cry. I need to overflow. I can't keep all this emotion in but lately I have been. Undoubtfully full of doubt but it's staring to trickle out. I'm afraid of what you'll say and how you think when you see me on the brink.

365 Photo Project

I started yesterday.
Here was my first photograph:



I'm really excited about this project!

My plan of A Very Merry Unbirthday.

I've always enjoyed Tim Borton's movies, so I was naturally very excited when I heard he was making a version of one of my favorite childhood films, Alice in Wonderland. Then I heard about the cast he was planning which included stars like: Johnny Depp, Anne Hathaway, Helena Borham Carter, Alan Rickman, and Timothy Spall. I decided I couldn't miss it. I then checked the release date. It's set for March 5th, the day right before March 6th (which happens to be my birthday.) I wanted to celebrate my birthday with my friends by seeing it.





I played with the idea and played with the idea and then set on the realization that I could make my birthday party like a mad hatter tea party, and call it a "Very Merry Unbirthday".

Luckily after looking for ideas online I realised others have had the excat same idea and posted great ideas for how to decorate and hold the party. This site is the home of some great things that I would like to try:

http://www.alice-in-wonderland.net/mad-tea-party-ideas.html

Goals

Create


Start a 365 day photo project


Go on a roadtrip to another state


Travel by train



Train for a race and run the entire thing


Stay up all night outdoors


Decide if I want to move my room to the backroom in the basement,
and do it if that answer is yes.


Go to Copeland's last tour in Chicago


Write a song


Learn to play something on guitar


Get an artsy tatoo


and of most of all Love.

Yes I stole it, But I also co-wrote it! pt. 2

IT'S FOUR IN THE MORNING!

Tonight has been quite eventful. I'm sitting here on Josie's couch (on her laptop as well).I just took the heat for waking her mother up from sleep... while Josie and her sister ran downstairs and left me to fend for myself. It was like waking a bear from hibernation. Scary right? So anyway, we had chinese take out, well actually Josie ate most of it and I had a couple peices of crab. We then decided to bear the cold weather and go to rent a movie. I had to wear her sister's non-outside boots covered in multicolored hearts in various sizes. They were quite glam, but a wee bit slippery. Josie shoveled behind the car, which I'm not really sure what good that did, while I brushed the snow off of her buried car with a broom!
We venture out into the wild. We had to make a pitstop about 10 feet from her house because we couldn't see a thing. I got out and wiped the snow off of the headlights, "LET THERE BE LIGHT!!". I felt a little like God for a moment. We got to the movie store after sliding right past the entrance and picked out Into The Wild. This was of course after we looked at every single movie in the place after we knew what movie we wanted in the first 10 minutes.

We watched the movie. It was wonderful.
(I really mean that!)

Then we sat around talking all philosophically, smoking pipes and wearing glasses (in Josie's mind atleast), then we headed to the kitchen! The best room in the house. Josie ate everything in sight, while I drank everything in sight. Nothing could quench our needs.

Now we sit here on the couch, waiting to write down Josie's goals on a peice of paper. She's really into the whole list writing thing. Which is a sign of a mental illness that we can't think of right now. Maybe Alzheimers?

We're off to swallowing red-heads now, chao.

4 AM 2010

Four in the morning is as perfect a time for writing as any, or maybe even better than some I don't know. I think I've always had a thing for creative juices when I'm sleep deprived and wired. Possibly it's a better time for thinking? I just awoke from a 5 hour sleep and drank two normal sized glasses of Pepsi and can't go back to bed. I feel decently wired now. Soda's been a great downfall lately. I haven't been eating much at all but I can consume around 8 glasses of various types of soda a day. Eight is only and estimate, don't hold me to that. My arteries must hate me. Dear Arteries,
I am sorry.
Love,Josie

The new year greated me with computer problems. Eh, even a little before the new year it started. Actually our family basically always has computer problems. We're just accustomed to it.

I got the Canon I was gahing over, after much ado and little gifts recieved on Christmas. I actually paid for part of my own Christmas present. It's kind of neat though, I used money I made taking pictures to help pay for the new camera. It seemed like everything worked out so perfectly. The camera actually went on price roll back. If you believe in fate it must have been meant to be. I wanted something really big, bad enough that I put everything I could twoard getting it. Now I have it and that's a terrific feeling I assure you.

In case you were wondering computer problems make having a new digital camera not as fun as it should be but I'm learning to manage.

My computer is still not fixed it turns off on it's own. I'm on the laptop now, and this laptop is much too slow for pictures.

Meh, when the new year came I wan't too excited about it. Some people were totally going into it thinking it were a whole transitional phase in their life and I knew it would feel just about the same as the old year to me. I would liked to have entered this year as a "new chapter" or whatever but that felt unrealistic to me. Just because the numbers on the last part of the date would be differnt when I wrote it I wasn't expecting too much to change. If I want to change at any point in time during my life I am always able the thing is do I want to? The first of the year was about the same as any other day of the year. Twenty four hours, somewhere around eight of those sleeping and somewhere around sixteen awake. I was asked what my resolutions were. I kind of paniced and want blank. My life isn't really going downhill. I wanted to spend more time with friends, the only thing stopping me was I wasn't sure if they wanted to spend more time with me. I've become quite a loner lately. I try to hang out with people and it seems to keep not working out, and then I tend to get discouraged and stay home alone more than one should. Or I avoid gatherings that seem like they could get annoying, meh being a wall flower is a terrible feeling. Being alone feels worse when you're in a room full of people. The last semester I just finished was probabaly one of the most stressful semesters of my life. Let's hope it stays that way. I tried very hard to maintain a C in my pre calculous class and fell short by less than a point. D+. I'm totally okay with it though, honostly I don't really feel bad I gave it my all and my all was less than a point short. That seems not good enough for my parents standards but it's good enough for mine. Who needs anyones standards but their own? I haven't put much thought into that one so don't quote me I just don't feel guilty about my below average grade in math folkss. I'd like this new year to be less stressful. Also I'd like to keep my room a little cleaner, If you know me then you know why.

I don't really like the word "resolution". It feels like you're trying to resolve something, but if you're pretty happy then what should you try to resolve? Even if you aren't happy do you think a resolution is going to change you into a happy person? However the word "goal" I feel okay about. When I think goal I think "This is something I'm going to work twoard", it may not be an easy work twoard journey but I think in the long run this "thing" or goal, will make me happy if I acomplish it. Unfortunatly, I hadn't thought of the word goal by the first of the year. Actually, it came to me about two hours ago exactly when I woke up. So if new years in fact are "new chapters" I must have skipped a few pages, my appologies readers. 365 pages is a long chaper anyway, in fact that chapter is like a whole book when you're me and can't seem to keep up with books. Anyway, I need more time to think about my goals. I want to get them well thought out in hopes for sure acomplishment. I'll try not to keep you waiting too long. I think my next post will hold some of my goals. I think I will be working on the list throughout the year. I will probably have to add things to the list in comment form. I plan to write the list out on paper and tape it to the back of my door in my room, which is now bare on account of me moving a John Reuben poster.

Hope I haven't sparked your intrest and not provided in this post.

I'm just super uncertian about my goals because I have high hopes, and I want my hopes to grow an I want to follow though, and those kinds of plans take time.

Adios!

P.S. I start college in a matter of days. I'm extremely exctied and terrified.