I am absolutely tired of the words "stand strong". No one has a clue what I am dealing with and I pray they never will. Not only that I feel like they say it because they feel like they are supposed to. I don't think anyone really even knows that that means. I am dealing with a huge amount of traumatic experiences. Theres the divorce, my mom's affair with a guy she continues to talk to, worry that my dad won't find a place to live, the stress of doing things around the house and caring for my sister, and finding out about my dad having hurt my mom. There is no stranding strong. Those are not words of wisdom for me they are words that only add to my stress. I break down all the time, I would lose my mind if I didn't. How is crying almost everyday for standing strong? How is not hanging out with my friends because I'm crying for standing strong? Crying is the only thing that helps. It makes me mad to think that people don't want me crying. When I think of what people want me to do when they say stand strong I feel like it would be a holding in all the hurt and emotion I am feeling. I would never get over any of it if I stood strong. I have to feel the hurt, I have to let myself feel the hurt. If I ever want to get over the situation I have to accept it.
"The cure for the pain is in the pain so that is where you'll find me."
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Good words. <3
ReplyDeleteThey're crap faces.
Hey it's Jason Malerich, I found you while poking around in Megan's followers :)
ReplyDeleteJosie I realize we don't really know each other too well, but after reading these I just want to let you know how unbelievably sorry I am that you're being forced through all of this. I'm not going to pretend to know what you're going through, and I'm not going to dictate how you're supposed to live your life. But I do want to try to share a little bit of advice as best I can, you don't have to take any of it to heart if you don't want to.
In times like these, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to surround yourself with the people who care about you the most. You will definitely need time to yourself, and that is perfectly okay. Take all the time you need. You're going to have to cut your friends a little slack, because they're never going to be able to fully understand what you're going through no matter how hard they try. But the simple fact that they *are* trying should really say something.
As an outsider looking in, I'd have to say that both of your parents seem like they can be pretty terrible people. Neither one of them really seem to be taking your feelings into account in all this. Instead, it looks like they're trying to hurt the other by getting you to take sides. You are not a tool to be used that way, and you shouldn't let them do it.
You should try to separate yourself from them and do what you can to rise above it. This is almost like a high school drama to them, and it's beneath you. What kind of mother sneaks around with this stuff and never acknowledges she did anything wrong, even in the eyes of her children? What kind of father takes his kids to catch their mother in the act? That's horrifying; he should be thinking of nothing but the feelings of his children, but instead he's parading the source of their distress right in front of their eyes. Get out and get away from them. Embrace your friends, because they really do love you and they don't want you going through this alone if you don't have to.
Again, I'm not expecting you to take all (or any) of this to heart, as I'm not even sure if I'm within my bounds to even give an opinion on the matter. I simply listen to a lot of psychology and self help shows, and in situations where the parents are acting like complete idiots, the best advice generally is to get away from them and hang out with friends who can cheer you up and get your mind on other things (if only for a little bit). Look on the bright side: you're going off to college soon. Cheers :)