Gold

You're a million shades of Gold.
I want you.

I'm not

afraid of anything things are how they have to be.

We're all insane...

When you start to accept this is when they really think you are insane, but it's true and you are right.
You're just a bigger person for admitting it and accepting it.
So good job.

I am

terrified of you.
Is that love?

Hey look

you've dont it again.
you've lost everyone.
you're alone.

Maybe this time they left you,
rahter than you leaving them but that doesn't really matter
You're still alone.

I hope it hurts.
It's should hurt you did it all wrong.

All you have is yourself.
How do you feel about youself?

Eh. Right.

Wipe him off you lips he's still on your lips.

Cry alone into your knees.

I want that okay.

I want someone to tell me i'm okay.
Maybe if someone else tells me i'll believe them.

What is okay?

Do you want that?

Do you want that if it'll hurt you?
Do I want this if it'll hurt me?
I dont know. I don't know.
I don't know anything.

I can't sleep I'm not working!

this is deep this is deeep.

EMPTY!

Hello Hello,
I am empty.
Fill me I dont care what you are or if you arent the right substance just fill me make me feel good for awhile. i swear all i need is awhile.
I want more but i need now so just do it.
hopefully i'll find the right stuff some other time when i'm empty but i cant have it now just fill me!

You are under my skin

You are under my skin you are under my skin I dont want to look at your face and cry you arent him you arent them!

This is my fifth post today

I feel good about this I feel really good about this. So maybe it won't work. Maybe I just want it to work, but I know I feel really good about it. I don't know how you feel. I don't know what will work and what won't. Only that I FEEL GOOD ABOUT THIS. It's killing me and keeping me interested.

I'd bleed for you I'd bleed for you. Every drop thats in me. This is everything I am These are my insides. All for you!
What do you think?

Dear feeling,

Dear feeling that I've got it all figured out,
I hate you. You are always wrong. I have no wisedom at all. Only thoughts. I know nothing about the things around me I only know how I feel about them.

November 29, 1:08 AM

" I want to be a good chunk of your life for a while. "

This is not you.

This is not you.
This is not you.

Your worried. You're fighting. You're trying too hard.
Just sit back, please. I'm tired of watching you dance around me.

You have my attention you've always had my attention.

You're fighting not loving
and you're a lover not a fighter

I've always been here for you
I'll always be right here for you.

I don't expect you to understand
I can't expect you to understand.
You can't understand.

I want you to see, but you're blind.
Open your eyes, open your eyes for me.

I'm waiting.
waiting.

This day

It is beautiful out right now. It's amazing how the sky can be gray and still breath taking. It's getting colder and I'm actually excited about that for once? I'm happy with the life I am living. I think I am doing well.

Thanksgiving has come and passed. I remember thinking I usually feel pretty thankful so the holiday seems mostly just a reason to eat. I have a lot going for me. I was thankful that I had a nice home and food and water because other people don't. I was more concerned with the fact they don't have them then I was thankful that I had them. I want to help them.

I'm happy with the time I got off school it's drawing to and end. I spent a lot of it with Ben. I feel really close to him. He understands me so well. I spent even more of it with my family I think. We got our christmas tree and saw a movie one day. Another we ran a race and went christmas shopping.

I went to one of Alex's hockey games. I miss seeing him as much as I used to.
Megan invited Ben and I to a bonfire at her house. We sat out there making jokes and telling stories.

Good. This is good.

No body can

hate me like I hate me.

I'm totally a Christian!

but when people make all their status updates on facebook about God or Jesus it makes me want to be an athiest. If that makes sense. I guess they just annoy me and I think they push athiest to futher not believe God. Sometimes I feel like they do it for attention, or to make themselves seem rightous. Anyone else have this problem?

Donald Miller

I went to see one of my favorite authors two nights ago. It was terrific. He was funny and witty and Megan and I had a lot of fun. If you haven't read any of Don's stuff I highly encourage it.

He talked about his new book A Million Miles in A Thousand Years. Here is a sample from it:


http://g-ecx.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/books/insidepublishing/TNelson/Don_Miller_AMMTY_Ch_2_3.pdf

I don't have a big vocabulary...

and my grammar is terrible, but I'm pretty sure that I do have a big heart and thats the only reason anything I've ever written has ever sounded remotely good.

I just search for good and beauty and passion when I can, any way that I can.







---------------------------

"I like being with you and talking to you. I feel like you stretch my mind and fill it with beautiful things... and that everythings more beautiful when you are around."

Car Dancing

One of the many reasons I love my friends...

Love songs

Love is a sadness.
Love is a madness.
We are the addicts.

What are we if we're not in love?
What are we if we're not in love?

----------

..I'm addicted.
I'm needy.
I'm lost.
Without You.

----------

Don't look ahead just run with me,
Each step will find the next one recklessly.
We'll find ourselves on the safest ledge.
Pardon me i couldnt help myself,
I'm falling into your life here i'm falling for awhile i'm here.

Recent

haha!

I'm hanging out with Megan.
Watching this gave us good ideas:





Like this!



Nerds <3

Not alone

All the ones I counted on left me and I was alone. I was crying in my room, on my floor, legs crossed, head down sobbing. It's been years since i've been there but I was there and he found me. I have hated him soo much for so long. He was a monster. He scared me. He hurt me. How did he know I was here again? He picked me up. He wiped my tears and kissed my head. I'm not alone, but I am guilty.

Love is strong.
so strong.

Distance

You're far from me and only getting further
I tried to hold on to you
Reaching as far as my arms would allow
But you looked at my outstreatched hand and back up at me and turned your head
Don't look back
You might find me
Don't look back
I might be a little lost now, it's getting cold
I thought you were walking with me
You lost me without noticing
So just don't look back.

We're standing on the brink of something big.

...and I'm not afraid.

"Whatever happens or doesn't happen I'm okay."

- Ben Pursley